| back at school |
[Jan. 19th, 2004|11:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Well, i got back to school yesterday around noon thanks to Reid and his dad. I packed all night saturday night/sunday morning (as well as watched a few movies and stuff) but ended up not sleeping at all. Once i got to my dorm room i felt i had to rearrange stuff a little bit so i made a huge mess and then felt like i had to make sure it was all cleaned up b4 my roommate came (who still hasnt arrived yet). So instead of going to bed right away when i got here yesterday, i spent like 7 hours on and off trying to arrange my room while watching some movies and the football game on tv. After the football game the president of the paintball club invited me over to his house for some beverages and a movie. I gladly took him up on his offer and went over to drink a few drinks ive never had b4 (brandy old fashion, a polar bear shot, and a very very strong bloody mary) as well as some drinks i have had b4 (rum and coke). All in all it was fun and we ended up talking a lot about paintball and it was great. Definately better than sittig in my dorm room by myself all night...if this is anything of a hint of how this semester will be, perhaps i will actually begin to enjoy being here a little more. I dont mean that i wanna get drunk all the time or nething, but its nice to unwind and chill with some cool people every now and then.
Today ive got to figure out why i have an Incomplete grade for my Psych class for first semester, grab my books, and get ready for classes to start tomorrow. I think ill also head over the the PAC (Pioneer Activity Center = Gym) and see whats up. I wanna atleast start running regularly and i guess they have treadmills somewhere in there..lol. Otherwise i know where the quarter mile indoor track is, thatll work.
But anyway, im out. I gotta go shower and eat. |
|
|
| Mentholmint Schnapps |
[Jan. 16th, 2004|12:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | buzzing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | North CD - Something Corporate | ] |
MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. This shit is great. Really. There was only a little bit left (like a quarter of the bottle) so i figured i would finish it off. Dr. McGillicuddy's is the best. Lol. Neway...ive decided that im not gonna make ne typing or spelling corrections while typeing this so i can see how bad i did later.
WEll yesterday up notrh was great fun. We ended up taking nancy with us. She is a junior but didnt care about missing school so its was all good. We didnt drink as much as we wanted to but we didnt do bad for only 3 people. Im pretty sure i driank more that reid or nancy but reid was prolly mighty close. AHHHHHH.
I went to ren's house at 7:30 to help her with what i figured would be a mere hour or so of homework. But that hour turned into like almost four fucking hours...lol. The fucking part is just for emphasis...not like being pissed off or nething. I didnt really mind..i had to change my plans and shit to beable to go over there...plus my car is dead so i had to manage to steal my mom's car for 4 hrs but it was all good. I hadnt really seen much of ren since i left he house earlier this week so its a good thing i got to spend some more time with her as well as try to help her with her school stuff. WE didnt actually finish her homeowrk either, she has a basketball game tomorrow and had to get to bed so she is gonna try to finish up tomorrow during study hall. I was thinking of going down there to help her out but i might be hooking up with brooke for coffee or lunch or something...idk yet. We will hve to see.
i think soon im gonna go outside and try to hook a chagare--charger-- up to my car battery and see if i can start it. I really would like to beable to drive places tomorrow...cuz it would suck being stuck at home on my last day of total freedom in wausau.
ne way...i completely forgot what i was gonn atype for you all. And when i say u all, i mean the two people that will accidentally read this far. but ya...i think im going back to school on saturday now. I am seeing if reid will drive me down so that my parents dont have to. plus then reid and i will have something to do and get to hang out a bit longer..i prolly wont see him for a couple of months and really hes the only guy that i had a lot of fun with while ive been at home.
and on a random tangent...i want to write a story. A culmination of my thoughts, feeling and emotions. All of me and my output formed into a great piece that many will enjoy....but the frank and blunt truth is im not too much of a writer. i write on my feelings very insctinctually...so i may start a strong story and try to pick it back up a few days later when i fgeel totally different and have no fucking clue what i was writing about or where i was going iwth the story. that, my friends, is not the fucking way to write a damn story. i have like 20 sotir--stories-- that ive started and havent had ne luck completing them to the level of greeatness i wish.
but fuck that....im not done with it...im just over it for now...i did write one story last year that i really liked at the time...although now i think i could add a lot and change alot..but idk if it would be good. i wrote it for a imaginative writing class and felt very good when i recived a 100% on it from my essentric (no fucking clue if its spelled riwght) english teacher. he is demanding and normally hates everything for one reason or another. but neway...ill let all u little shits read it...if u feel like wasting a lot more time...go for it
(continue on in next post...i had to slipt this shit up for the sidte to let me post everything) |
|
|
| Mentholmint Schnapps (2) |
[Jan. 16th, 2004|12:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | buzzing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | North CD - Something Corporate | ] |
Winter
The stiff, cold air stung at my nostrils as my feet slid effortlessly across the iced sidewalks. I lost my footing a few times but quickly regained my stride without making a big scene. I drove my hands more deeply into my pockets as the cold nipped at my bare fingertips. I felt the cold taking over my ears. The cold just reinforced my hatred of having to park so far away from the school. I looked up as I neared the corner across from school. After looking both ways I quickly strode across the slick street, my feet cutting through thick, wet piles of slush. I quickly entered school and made my way down the hall toward my locker. It was early, shortly after 7 am, so there were only a few others in the school. After I deposited my heavy, brown coat in my locker and exchanged my chemistry book for my math book, I slowly walked down the empty hallway. As I walked I gazed at the freshly polished floor, seeing a vague, distorted figure that resembled me as the bright lights passed overhead. I neared the drinking fountain area that I sit by everyday. I set my backpack down and then slowly slid down the wall until I was comfortably nestled between the wall and the drinking fountain, in the small alcove. I gazed down the hallway with my sleepy eyes, watching people as they walked by; busy with something that seemed important. As the time grew closer to 7:40 am, the halls become full with people. I watched intently as students and teachers entered the school. Two math teachers slowly walked by, speaking of something inaudible to me. A small boy, probably a freshman walked by with his overfilled backpack loaded with his school supplies. He dragged his heavy boots across the floor as he slowly and methodically made his way down the hallway. A tall junior boy with dark black hair walked by with his arm around a shorter blonde girl. His embrace was loose but displayed affection. An older, frail looking woman wearing a blue sweater and a light blue dress walked by carrying a beige tote bag and looking at the room numbers beside each room. I noticed a white plastic card clipped to the pocket of her sweater that read ‘Substitute Teacher.’ All these people going from place to place, interacting with one another. I had always enjoyed watching people and observing their actions and behaviors.
As I thought about that she came around the corner. She was a little shorter than I, but that kind of thing doesn’t bother me. That day she was wearing a long-sleeve red shirt with dark blue stripes, as well as deep red pants. The clothes were tight enough to reveal the curves of her body, but not too revealing to ruin her good reputation. Her little blue Superstar shoes trailed a faint marking of water as she stepped past me. Her long, auburn hair was back in a traditional ponytail, by a black and white hair tie. Her small button nose was tipped with the pink color of cold. Her deep hazel eyes looked down the hallway, unknowing of her observer in the alcove. She hurried past to her locker. I zoned out, staring across the hall as I thought of her.
Her name was Alexis. She was a freshman, and young for that. Being a senior at almost 18 years old while she was a young freshman at 14 seemed discouraging. We had known each other for almost two years then, but strictly on a friends-only type basis. I’m not sure she even knows how I feel. Lately, when I speak with her, I find myself staring off into her eyes, thinking for just a moment that I can see what she is thinking. It seems that she has a unique personality. She has separated her personality into two halves. The first part of her personality is the most visible. She is outgoing, caring, talkative, and all together happy. The other half is defensive and tries to hide her real feelings. That part only surfaces when she feels threatened. She nearly seems like a stereotypical man that hides his feelings and sucks it up to hide them. I suppose this attitude could have been imposed upon her from her father. That part of her was what I have a difficulty. Anytime I speak of anything to do with how she feels towards me and I how I feel for her, she gets defensive and upset with me. So I normally end apologizing and making things uncomfortable around us for a while. I want to just come out and say what I feel for her. But I was afraid of so many things. Suddenly the high-pitched squeal of the bell tore me from my thoughts. I stood and walked to my first hour class.
After surviving math class, I walked into the Social Studies resource center and laid my head down on the desk, thinking more about her again. I was afraid to tell her because I don’t know what her family and friends would think. I didn’t know what my family and friends would think. And worst of all, I was afraid of what she would think. Nothing frightened me more than losing her if she were upset with my feelings toward her. I was also afraid of the end of the school year and the beginning of college for me. Even if she did accept how I felt, we would have so little time before a few hundred miles of land between us would make it extremely hard. As I thought, the lack of sleep from the previous night caught me and I slowly fell into unconsciousness.
I opened my eyes and looked across the table at the girl sitting there taking a history test. She stared at the paper before her with her deep blue eyes intent upon finding the correct answers. Her index finger on her left hand twirled strands of her long brown hair. I recognized her as a preppy underclassman that was always the best both academically and socially. She also did her best to make it known and rubbed it in the faces of lesser individuals. She disgusted me. I turned gaze across the room and thought about how I couldn’t wait for school to end so I could see Alexis.
Finally school ended. I hurried through the crowded hallway to my locker. After failing to open after two attempts, I was able to open my locker and grab my coat. I quickly threw it on, disregarding those around me. I then hurried back down the hall toward the back exits.
As I neared the exits I could see her standing by the doors. At first only her rough outline was visible against the bright sunlight filtering through the windows in the doors. But as I walked closer, her details grew more distinguishable. She stood against the wall alone watching me approach.
She broke the silence by saying, “Hey!” Her voice was the first great thing I had heard all day.
I quickly responded happily, “Hey, how was your day?”
“Oh, it was fine. Jenn is upset with me but she’ll get over it. I think I’m getting a cold too. How about you?”
“Horrible. My day was horrible. But it’s getting better now.” I said. She seemed to understand what I meant. “You wanna go do something? I have my car here today.”
“Yeah, sure. I don’t feel like going out at all. Should we just go to my house?” She questioned. I thought about it, realizing that her parents probably wouldn’t be home for a few hours.
“Sure.”
We walked to my car slowly through wet and cold snow. As we walked we talked about our day.
She asked with concern, “What made your day so bad?”
“A lot of stuff. I think I failed a math test. I couldn’t eat lunch today because I left my money at home. I think I have a cold too, so I have been forced to wipe my nose with the sandpaper that the school tries to pass as tissues. The list goes on.” I said as I smiled and looked at her.
“Well it’s good to see that you’re feeling a little better now.” She said as she smiled back at me. We reached my car and entered the cold, interior. The cheap, cracked vinyl seat covers somehow transferred the coldness through my jeans, making the back of my legs even colder. I quickly buckled up and started the car. After a few attempts the old engine roared to life, fighting out the cold and dampness within the engine. I slowly pulled away from the curb and down the road. Alexis turned on my CD player, which was the only thing I put money into on that car. She found a good CD in my collection to listen to and turned the music up, drowning out all the bad memories of the day. Snow began to fall from the sky, forcing me to turn on my windshield wipers. Within a few minutes we reached her house.
It was a large, recently built house. Her parents both came from upper class families, and both had upper class jobs so the building of the house wasn’t too difficult to finance. It was built on a hillside along a tree line. It was a massive, multilevel brick and stone house with a full basketball court in the back yard. The house also sported a large multileveled deck that scaled the backside of the house, all the way from the top down to the heated pool and hot tub. The yard was beautifully decorated with brick tiers of plants and flowers in the spring and summer. That house was truly a dream.
I parked the car and we both hurried through the thick, newly fallen snow to her door. Before traveling up the main path to her front door, we had to carefully scale a series of slippery steps. After entering the house and taking off our coats and shoes we climbed a number of stairs until we reached the top floor, which was her floor. That floor held her bedroom, a large bathroom, and a den with a large screen TV in it. We sat on the couch in the den and turned on the TV.
I turned and looked into her eyes and she shifted her gaze from the TV to me. She looked back into my eyes. I suddenly felt like nothing else mattered. All of my previous worries and thoughts didn’t matter right then. I felt like the only important thing was us, and how I felt about her. Sitting there with her staring back into my eyes made me feel that she would accept my feelings. I felt like we were supposed to be together.
I slowly opened my lips and quietly muttered, “I love you.” I held my breath. My sole existence hung in the balance. Her reaction would decide my fate.
A look of shock spread across her face. She screamed, “What! You love me!? What am I supposed to say to that? I can’t love you. I can’t believe this…”
I was crushed. I didn’t care what else she said. A single solitary tear gently rolled down my rosy red check. I quickly rose and ran down the stairs. When I reached the main level I put my shoes on and grabbed my coat, not waiting to put it on, I rushed out the door and sprinted to my car. But as I ran down the front path, I lost my grip on the recently fallen snow and fell hard on my back. I fell down the many series of steps, feeling the hard ground collide with my back as I fell down each step until I reached the bottom. My ears were ringing from hitting my head and my back felt odd. I stared up at the darkening sky as large snowflakes rained upon me. Then Alexis’s face appeared above mine. Her mouth moved but no words came out. Tears streamed down her face and she kept silently trying to talk to me. The ringing in my ears drowned out any chance of hearing her. I suddenly felt lightheaded and my vision began to blur. Right before everything went white, I saw Alexis’s lips move to say, ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” |
|
|
| First day |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|11:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Deciding by Saves the Day | ] |
This journal is kinda a replacement for the full fledged website i was trying to maintain recently, but due to the stupid server not allowing me to access and update when i wanted to, i give up. I will probably continue to use the site for pictures and stuff...but from now on my random thoughts and everything else will pretty much run together on this. Easier for me, and maybe a little more access than a website that wasnt searchable on search engines.
But yeah...ive been doing a whole lot of nothing over my month long break from school. Pretty boring stuff. The part of break before the new year and holiday season was pretty busy with the high schoolers being off from school and all kinda of family and friend events. But as my break gets closer to the end the high schoolers that i enjoy hanging out with are back at school, some of my other friends have gone back to college already, and a lot of the other people i know are just as bored as i am.
Today i moved out of my friend, CJ's house and back to my real house for the first time over break. He went back to school and my parents would kind of like to see me a bit before i go back to school so i guess it was meant to be. I kinda liked staying at CJs eventhough he wasnt home, his sister, Ren, is awesome enough to keep me around and his parents arent too bad either. But oh well, im here now, closer the the city and have better chances of finding things to do.
Tomorrow i am gonna go back to my high school to visit one last time before i leave for school. Some people have told me that ive visited a little too much since ive been home (although i really only went once for like 2 hrs) but i wont be able to visit like this next year because they will move out to the new high school. That just wont be the same because the new school isnt MY high school. I wont feel the same and i will have no clue where anything is in the building. Plus its easier to just roam the halls and stuff at the current school. Megan wants me to come to school at 9, visit with her math class and then go to her painting class. Sounds good, but 9am is early..lol..especially when i am used to getting up at 10 or 11. But i will try. I just hope Megan realizes that she is gonna have to take me to lunch too. lol. But after school Reid and i are going to rent some movies, grab some food, and some beverages and head up north to Minoqua for the rest of the day and night. Should come back Thursday afternoon. I am glad i get to leave wausau for a while and do something different. I just feel like a change in scenery could only do good for me. Im getting too used to wausau, so anything is better.
I even want to go back to school early..lol. But we will have to see if that goes anywhere. I will miss a few very specific people a lot...and probably wont see them for a few months, unless i can manage to get a ride home sooner. I just feel really uncontent or troubled by being someplace for too long. Everything gets boring and overwhelming, i just need to see other people, and places and do other things. Even if its only for a day or two. IF all else fails, ill get a ride home and hang out with Ren for a weekend. She's pretty cool and normally welcomes a break from some of her regular aspects of life...like her parents. It seems that since CJ has left for school they are paying more attention, mostly in a bad way, to Ren. So if she wants, ill come home and try to rescue her for a weekend or something. Otherwise ill come home to my real house and just hang out for a weekend. I would definately prefer the former, but the later would work.
Well i think ive added enough for my first day...so i hope your all happy.
Good night! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
zachthejack10's journal